Gather 'round the Grill

4 Posts tagged with the oracle tag

Many years ago someone impressed upon me the need for simplicity in matters of scale. The problem of course, is that simplicity is impossible without power. This is why we see secondhand RDBMS environments proliferate their complexity into a functionally catatonic state, ultimately calling for its wholesale replacement. And upon the call, others swoop in to save the day, saying that they can "replicate your functionality" in another stronger environment that is geared for high complexity, without even once looking askance at the complexity's necessity. By that I mean, the complexity arrived as a function of an underpowered environment, with sweat-labor from engineers working diligently to prop up a fading machine. It means - all that addtional power-propping, is artificial and we need to regard it as a necessary evil. If we'd had the power way back when, the complexity never would have arisen in the first place. So the complexity is a symptom, not an attribute.

 

If we have the power, it gives us the capability to implement functionally sophisticated solutions with ease of maintenance and operation. Functional sophistication is key, because we don't want to dumb-down the functionality just because we don't have enough hardware. Yet the people responsibile for buying us more hardware look at us warily, wondering "You know, I signed off on the last hardware purchase thinking it would be my last hardware purchase. Yet now we are already out of gas and it seems like we didn't get the return-on-investment for the last purchase."  Ahh, but wait, says the engineer, the systems are voracious and so are the users. Adding more hardware is the only way to stay ahead of them. To which the purchaser objects "How do I know that you are making the most efficient use of the hardware you already have? Can you tell me that you haven't tried to optimize the environment?"  To which the engineer skulks away, formulates a plan and spends the next six months wrapping the solution in an engineered cocoon of complexity that offers marginal boost, but a boost nevertheless. The purchaser feels vindicated. "I'll stand my ground next time, and they'll have to go through another optimization! Aha! The key is to get these deadbeat engineers to do their job, and engineer!"

 

And so at the end of this bitter and tumultuous cycle, we have an over-engineered, underpowered machine that nobody is happy with except for the purchaser. who held out until the very end. Often the purchaser is overridden by a super-purchaser, like the CTO or CEO, who finally releases the funds, offers the directives, and the purchaser dutifully though reluctantly complies, certain in his heart that the engineers have at least one more optimization cycle left in them. If you've never been the recipient or the participant in such a repeatable and pervasive cycle, what a blessing to be in the food service or housekeeping industries in these perilous times!

 

In one case, I told a senior leader point-blank that the reason his secondhand RDBMS system was running out of gas, was the proliferation of cursor-based stored procedures draining the lifeblood from the box. He was stunned at this assertion, because he'd been assured by his implementers that this was the right thing to do. The implementers in the room objected by asking if I was "actually suggesting" that they pull the data into a third-party tool, process it, and put it back. Such phrases as "are you telling me", "seriously"  and "everybody knows that" were the commom prefixes of all their objections. Oookay-fine. This doesn't detract one iota from the simple fact that the secondhand RDBMS doesn't process bulk data well, and it doesn't really support third-party environments that require it to (you know, bulk loading and extract). The whole bulk-loading and extract domain is something that secondhand RDBMS systems provide their own utility for, and dogpile one caveat after another against its regular use for operational, lights-out data processing. This is because, as Rule #10 tells us, secondhand RDBMS systems are lousy at row-by-row processing. This has always been true.

 

And think from the perspective of a newbie. Imagine being introduced now to a Netezza machine where it has been specifically purpose-built to support all the things that the secondhand RDBMS's treat as - well - secondhand? Our newbies come to their cubicle with their hard-won tales of derring-do and the many dragons they have captured and thrown down. They drag their canvas bags filled with dragon-fighting gear, empty it on the floor and we marvel at all the tools we once used to be effective. Ahh, the aroma of the dragon's blood wafts from the antiquated instruments of war, reminding us of days gone by, and all that bygone stuff, too.  It's hard to immediately schedule their pickup for the Warehousing Museum on the 7th floor, where all of our stuff is on display and gathering dust. Instead we scratch the Museum's number on the back of a business card and hand it to the warrior for later. Still, all of those weapons and their attendant experience are very valuable, but not in the way one might think.

 

What's a seasoned warrior to do when the machine can devour a data warehouse dragon like a tree shredder, digest it, repackage it and dungeon-ize it for all eternity, and do it as an appliance? Almost like pressing the button on a toaster, but not quite. Our hero rolls up his sleeves and starts slinging row-by-row, cursor-based stuff so prevalent in secondhand implementations. Upon first execution, it runs worse than a dog. It runs like a wet dog. And doesn't smell any better either. The hero scratches his head and tries again. Everything the hero knows about data processing just went "counter-intuitive". The hero mutters "I don't get it". Ahh, but the hero will get it, because the hero is emotionally engaged.

 

This emotional engagement is something that we, as seasoned Netezza folk, should leverage to help our newbies make the necessary shift in their approach. They really need to take ownership of the knowledge, but sometimes (I've been told) it feels a lot like pushing a string (for the seasoned people) and a lot like playing some kind of strange board-game for the newbie. To avoid mental pain and injury, and heavy-lifting on the part of the seasoned people (and the attendant frustration from helping a newbie blossom) the seasoned pro only need to remember the power of the emotional engagement. The newbie will want to conquer the machine. Harness it for the good of all mankind. They will brandish their blades with the familiar shhhhiiiiiinnnngg as it leaves the sheath. But there's only one hero in the room. The big black box. The warrior's emotions are drawing him/her inexorably closer to the final conclusion - the machine works for us. Really works for us. Unlike the secondhand RDBMS machines that once enslaved us. Now we are the master. The new hero does our bidding, and does it well.

 

So our warrior, after many days of working with the machine, finds himself no longer using his old gear. No longer using his old ways. In fact, now stumbling over the gear and getting his feet tangled in the pull-strings on the canvas bag. One day he will pull out the number we gave him for the Data Warehouse Museum on the 7th floor and call for a pickup. On that day, take the warrior to lunch. The transition is complete.

 

What has the warrior embraced - that complexity is no longer the key to winning. We don't have to "do it the old way" and we don't have to figure out a way to shoehorn our former implementations into the new domain. Those implementations were necessary evils, using technology that wasn't geared to support them, rigged for an outcome on an underpowered and overwhelmed environment. When moving to the new environment (whether it's a newbie learning the ropes or a large-scale migration of a secondhand RDBMS into the big black box) we don't take the prior implementation with us. We don't take the prior table structures, cursor-based processes, or anything else about the original implementations. If artificial complexity means that even part of the implementation is suspect, then all of the implementation is suspect. We have a new way of doing things, a new machine to do them on, and the outcome will be so much better if we now do things the way the machine best performs, rather than doing things the way some other secondhand machine performs poorly.

 

And this is the difference between complexity and simplicity. In an underpowered secondhand RDBMS, the complexity props up the weakness of the technology and is a symptom of weakness in every way imaginable. Simplicity on the other hand, is the mark of strength of the technology and its ease of implementation and maintenance.

 

For a (human) hero, complexity is the reason for existence and simplicity is for the simple-minded peasant. After all, the peasants do the (back labor) work of the field and save the thought labor for the feudal lord and his lackeys. But one can see the parallel immediately - the secondhand technology is actually a feudal lord, its high-priced product engineers are its lackeys, and we, my friend are its indentured servants. Quite the converse for Netezza folk - we are the feudal lord, requiring no lackeys, and the machine is our indentured servant. The machine works for us.

 

I cannot count how many times I've been approached (even in the hallway of a Netezza conference!) of people asking me about re-engineering their existing systems for Netezza. No, my friend, we don't re-engineer, we de-engineer. There's a huge difference.

 

What does simplification buy us? We can now move away from the raw complexity required to prop up a lack of performance, and move toward the sophistication required of a competitive solution. The sophistication is key, because anyone can build a simple system for simple business reasons. But when the complexity of the environment hinders us from the next level of functional sophistication, the complexity has now enslaved our business model, and effectively the business itself. Simplified implementations are stable and adaptable, so can scale to breathtaking heights, giving us the  necessary edge for competitive, sophisticated offerings that aren't even possible in the secondhand technologies.

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As the sunrise peeked over the horizon, it cast long shadows over the four cars awaiting the break of dawn. Stretching before them, the expanse of the salt flat beckoned, nay taunted them, to accelerate across its ancient surface. Not caring for the winner or loser, it merely provided a level playing field for them to test their wares and technology. But yawned at the futility of the race itself. The salt flat had always been, and always would be. Come one, come all, it invited daily, almost mockingly.

 

The leader for team-Exa sat in his racer's driver seat, eyes closed. When he felt the warmth of the morning touch his face, he raised an eyelid to examine the time. Now thirty minutes from flag-down, the sun would still be at his back when he won the race. And he would win the race.

 

The lead for team-Terra pushed back into her driver's chair to stretch her legs as her eyes fluttered open. She glanced toward her left to the Exa racer, gleaming in the morning sun, and then to her right at the NZ racer, its plain black lines and nondescript exterior, she knew, hid the power under its frame, and was nothing to be trifled with.

 

The fourth car on the end, entered in the eleventh hour was a plain vanilla Volkswagen Beetle with a rocket engine attached to its backside. No frills, no nonsense and nothing hidden. Five men from Redmond had delivered it last evening. They hadn't even had time to take a test run on the flat.

 

Minutes later all four drivers and their lackeys met in front of the four cars, partly to wish each other luck and partly to offer last minute trash-talk. Dominic Toretto, the driver of the NZ machine, ran his hands over his bald scalp and rubbed it vigorously, as if massaging the sleep from his head, then yawned and said, "Okay gentlemen. We're fifteen minutes from flag-down. Anyone want to back out? I swear we won't hold it against you."

 

"Dude," laughed Excel, the driver for the Redmond machine, "In your dreams. I have investors watching."

 

"As do I," smiled Tara, the only female driver, and would command the blue-streamlined Terra racer, named for its ability to master the earth and its elements. "We're all in this for keeps." She batted her eyes and tilted her head flirtatiously, "You want to see under my hood?"

 

"Out here in the open?" Toretto laughed, drawing chuckles from the others, "Sure, let's see what you have."

 

She ignored the innuendo and pointed her keytag toward the Terra racer and pressed a button, causing both side doors to slide away and the hood to pop open. Toretto strolled over to examine the engine. He'd seen these before.

 

"Lot of power under that hood," he quipped.

 

"Yeah," she said, expecting a bit more enthusiasm for her machine. She wouldn't find it among any of these drivers, though. They lived and breathed adrenalin, and knew as much about her machine as she did. And weren't in denial about its weaknesses, either.

 

"Looks plain," said Jeff, driver for the Exa-car, "And as you can see, not enough control."

 

"So let's look at yours," Toretto said, a twinkle in his eye.

 

As they sauntered to the next car, Jeff's lackey whispered in Toretto's ear, "We've radar-mapped the entire flat between here and the finish line. Every bump is programmed into the machine. You think that's a competitive advantage?" He slapped Toretto on the back and laughed loudly.

 

"Bumps don't matter," Toretto muttered, with the strength and experience of someone who would know.

 

Jeff spun to face him, "What was that?" he laughed, "Bumps don't matter. Did you hear that?" he looked around him to the others, with his lackey already laughing, "He says bumps don't matter." He crossed his arms, "Would it matter to you if I said that ignoring bumps at these speeds is like a death wish?"

 

"No."

 

"No, what? No it won't matter what I say, or bumps still don't matter?"

 

"Either way," Toretto said with a wry grin, "Bumps don't matter."

 

Jeff threw up his hands in frustration as Toretto poked his head into the Exa-racer's driver side window. Jeff asked, "What do you think, huh?"

 

Toretto examined the interior, laid out like a Boeing 757 cockpit. Three LCD screens loaded with controls and meters, flashing lights all around the dashboard and dozens of knobs and gears. "Got a lot of moving parts," Toretto sighed, "Think you'll need all that?"

 

"No more, no less," Jeff said, "Our investors are very demanding. All the tires and wheels are measured for pressure and impact, the dual-redundant monitors compensate for any detected differences, and the pre-mapped radar anticipates every bump and turn."

 

"It's a salt flat," Toretto grinned, patting him on the side of his shoulder, "There are no turns. And bumps don't matter."

 

Jeff nearly bit his tongue, but instead smiled and shook his head while Toretto continued his examination.

 

"Looks to me like," Toretto finally said, "You decked out the car just for this ride."

 

"Yeah. So?"

 

"Well, it might work for a salt flat under controlled conditions, but it's not streetworthy."

 

"We're not testing on a street," Jeff fired back, "All that matters is who makes it to the other side."

 

"Really?" Toretto raised an eyebrow, "You think people will be knocking on your door to buy a few of these to come out here to run on salt flats?" He laughed, "Your investors will expect to see the performance you show here," he pointed toward the West, "Out there. Or they can't make any money. Optimizing your car, just for this test, doesn't mean anything."

 

"We'll see," Jeff snapped.

 

"I'd like an assessment of my car, if you don't mind," said Less, the driver for the Redmond car.

 

Toretto simply said, "Not much different from the Exa. Except you don't make any bones about the fact that you've strapped a jet engine to an underpowered car. You think those wheels and frame can handle the stress of the race? We'll see how you do on the flats. That's all I can say."

 

"Gentlemen," intoned a voice all around them, coming from well-placed speakers, "We're five minutes from flags-down so anything you need for warm-up, do it now."

 

Jeff punched a button on his keytag to remotely initiate his computers into a final pre-race system check. Toretto slowly strolled back to his car, opened the door and flopped into the driver's seat. His lackey Mark, younger than he but the sharpest of his crew, brushed back a long black lock of hair and positioned it over his ear, then silently joined Toretto in the passenger seat. After Toretto punched several buttons to initiate the engine, Mark  could no longer hold it in.

 

"Don't you think we're about to get smoked here?" Mark said, glancing to the Exa car, "I mean, radar mapping, all those controls and - I mean - "

 

"I know what you mean," Toretto said casually, engaging the first gear, "Just trust the machine."

 

"I know what your philosophy is," Mark sighed, shaking his head, "Put it all under the hood, make it self contained, but what if you need to get creative in the middle of the race?"

 

"Would one of our customers have the option to get creative?" Toretto asked, allowing the car to roll ahead to the starting line. "Do we let them add stuff to the machine? Do we require them to know a lot about what's under the hood?"

 

"No, but -"

 

"But what?"

 

"I don't know what! It just seems like they have more, you know, more -"

 

"More what?"

 

"I don't know what! It just seems like more."

 

"More to break. More to maintain and watch - when the real mission is to go fast on the flats. And everywhere else."

 

"You think we'll win?"

 

"Trust the machine."

 

Presently a racing judge appeared with a flag in each hand, and took his place between the two middle cars. Watching the clock count down, he raised the flags high, then started counting down loudly.

 

"Hold on to your chair," Toretto mumbled, "It's a little rough out of the gate."

 

"I'm ready," Mark said, holding tightly to the chair, pushing against the floorboard to press his back into the chair's leather. He'd made the mistake of eating a meal just prior to the first test runs the week before, and had spent an hour cleaning his half-digested meal from the dashboard and interior windshield. This time, he'd fasted for twenty four hours. Nothing remained in his stomach, he was sure of it.

 

Over in the Exa-racer, Jeff had strapped himself into his seat, and his onboard systems had just finished its run-through only seconds before the flags would fall. The carefully tuned machine would master the flats today. The machine, and his name, would soon be synonymous with extreme speed and power. He would win this race. He was sure of it.

 

Each driver sat in breathless anticipation as the judge counted down to zero, and watched almost in slow motion as the flags went down. But that's when anything "slow motion" utterly ended. Each of the machines engaged their own forms of acceleration. The Redmond machine driver simply turned a valve and flooded the rocket engine with fuel. It's ignition was like an explosion of TNT and it blasted from the line like, well, like a rocket.

 

"They're getting ahead of us," Mark complained as the NZ car's acceleration pulled him deeper into the leather.

 

"It's just a side effect of packaging," Toretto said, his pulse rate not having changed one beat faster, "Just be patient."

 

Without warning, the Redmond machine sputtered and fishtailed its wheels as they passed it, Mark spun his head as the Redmond machine flew past them and they left it in a wall of salty dust. He then looked back at the Exa racer, and to Jeff's eyes riveted forward, set like flint againt the Western sky.

 

"How did you -" Mark began.

 

"Know it would run out of power?" Toretto lifted one side of his mouth, "Get real."

 

"We're still ahead of the others," Mark noted pensively, glancing around toward Tara, who seemed oblivious to everything around her.

 

"It will stay that way," Toretto said simply.

 

"So that's it," said Mark, "We stay in these race positions until the end?"

 

"No, they will think the race is over soon, and make their move."

 

Suddenly Tara's car started gaining ground, like something pushing it from behind. Mark saw her pulling up behind them fast, and faster still, "She's coming. She's coming really fast."

 

"Naah, she's just changed her fuel mix. Thinks going from 55/50 to 25/50 will actually matter."

 

Mark spun toward the Exa racer, now closing the distance, "He's coming too, Are we slowing down, or are they -"

 

"Making their move," Toretto said quietly.

 

"Aren't you going to do something? They're gaining!"

 

"Let them burn out," Toretto chided as the two competitor machines passed them and gained their respective leads, "And besides, the race is won in the architecture, not the gadgets."

 

"What difference does it make if we're behind?"

 

Toretto watched as the odometer slowly ticked over, And over again. "We're almost there, are you strapped in?"

 

"Yes, I'm strapped in, but almost where? Where is there?"

 

"There," Toretto pointed to a tinted stain in the salt flat, and watched the odometer tick over to the prescribed reading. "Here we go. Hold on."

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Toretto ignored him and pressed a switch on the dashboard. They could hear a whining mechanical noise coming from the rear as two gleaming foils slowly rose from the tail of their accelerating vehicle.

 

"What are those?"

 

"What did the Exa driver say?" Toretto reminded, "That at these speeds, bumps count. Actually, at these speeds,what counts is stabilization."

 

"How will those make us more stable? It looks like they're slowing us down!"

 

"Brace yourself," Toretto said, and punched the second button. "Accelerators engaged."

 

In that instant, the air inside the car seemed to grow thin, and the air around them seemed to radically change, buffeting the racer with increasing intensity. Then Mark felt it, a pulling, g-force of acceleration as it pressed him deep into the leather of his chair, and caused the blood to run from his face and into the back of his head. With a whoosh-whoosh, they passed the other two cars as though they were standing still.

 

Jeff watched helplessly as the NZ racer flew past them. Upon glancing down and across the controls, all of their gauges were standing at the max, pinned almost into the red line. Even if he could make it go faster, they would incur irreversible structural stress, and possibly crack apart on the flats, spinning into a million pieces. Jeff furiously spun dials and adjusted controls, attempting to squeeze just a bit more power from the machine. If he couldn't come in first, second place would have to do. Jeff now cursed his own racer as it entered the NZ racer's dust trail. His investors would be livid.


Tara furiously slammed her palm into the steering wheel, repeatedly cursing as the NZ car disappeared into the distance. Switching her fuel mixture from 55/50 to 25/50 had made her car lighter and more agile, but had not offered the additional speed. At least, not that kind of speed.


Then something rushed toward both their cars as the NZ racer crossed the sound barrier, a shockwave ripped up the surface of the salt flat and met them head-on. The Terra car was more stable, so the wave simply bounced its wheels. The Exa car was not so lucky. When the shockwave hit, the passengers heard the sonic boom before they felt it lift the racer's front end and flip it backwards, spinning it in a barrel-roll as it tried to find its footing again. Its back wheels landed first, then the front, causing the back wheels to lift off again, then the front, rocking violently back and forth like this at least five times before the right front tire blew out, sending the vehicle into a wild spin.

 

Jeff could hear and feel the car's structure releasing and popping from the stress. At this speed and rate of rotation, the Exa-racer's uncontrolled spin would rapidly develop enough centrifugal force to turn human brains to scrambled eggs. Jeff felt the red-out coming as an automatic release triggered and both their ejection seats activated, separately catapulting them hundreds of feet into the air. Their parachutes deployed when they reached apex, and Jeff witnessed his car disintegrate on the salt flat.

 

Jeff lifted his gaze into the West, watching the NZ car disappear like a speck in the wake of its own shockwave, churning up the ground behind it. It would likely reach the finish line before his parachute even touched him to the ground.

 

Toretto casually glanced to his rear-view mirror, watchind the salt flat behind him, practically corrugating the ground in his wake. "Hmmm," he finally said, "Maybe bumps do count. Just not for us. And I don't mind giving them a bumpy ride." He settled into his seat, "No sir." And with that, fully understood the frustrated rage building in the minds of his competitors, and soon their investors.

 

And more fully understanding the difference between being fast, and being furious.

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Rick Deckard wiped the sweat from his brow as he holstered his high-powered weapon. Lifting the communicator from his belt, he muttered several codes and closed the transceiver.

 

"Skin jobs," he said to himself, surveying the replicant sprawled on the floor, and amazed at the technology's ability to mimic the most complex entities on earth. He softly kicked the replicant's front panel, observing large hole his weapon had created in the technology's logo. The half-remaining "T" and the "ata" telling him he'd scored big. Another wannabee down for the count.

 

His communicator buzzed for attention. He lifted it, beeped-in and said "Deckard" like he really didn't want to be bothered, but knew such sentiments were useless. Apparently more replicants were on the prowl, having stolen their way into enterprises with myopic POCs, NDAs and a variety of other three-letter-acronyms. He so longed to go Solo.

 

"We've spotted another one," said the dispatcher on the other end, "People are dying."

 

"Dying?" Deckard raised an eyebrow. "That's new."

 

"Dying to get their jobs back after a misfired deployment with a replicant," said the dispatcher, "Get with the program Deckard. You were called from retirement, but you can't be this rusty. Not with this much at stake."

 

"You wanna come out here and be my backup?" Deckard shot back, irritated, "It's easy to criticize from behind a desk."

 

"Keep on talkin'," laughed the dispatcher, "But the day's slippin' by - and so will your replicant if you don't get on the stick."

 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Deckard beeped out, sighed and replaced the communicator. The steam rising from the replicant's body reminded him of why his work was important. Stolen money. Stolen dreams.

 

Less than fifteen minutes later, Deckard found himself crouching behind a stack of crates, one eye on the replicant and one eye on his pistol as he wrested it from its holster. Time was, he could draw, shoot and replace it before a replicant could take one mechanical breath. Now, countless CPU clocks dishonored his rustiness, and he needed a new weapon if he ever intended to win.

 

Too late he realized that he'd spent too much time fiddling with the pistol, and upon looking up, found the replicant nowhere in sight. In that moment, he felt the replicant's mechanical breath on the back of his neck, and he whirled to confront it.

 

"Deckard!" shouted the replicant as he delivered a hard backfist, reeling Deckard over the crates to fall hard on the other side. "You should never have returned! You know I can't be beaten in toe-to-toe comparison!" He then split the crates apart and tossed them to each side.

 

Deckard had already reached for his pistol, but it had been just loose enough to fall from the holster when the replicant had ambushed him. Glancing around feverishly, the fear rose in his throat as the replicant took one step forward, grabbed him by the shirt and shook him once. He pulled his fist back and Deckard could hear it hitch, meaning that some special spring had latched in preparation for release, and if the replicant's fist now threw a punch, the impact would take his head clean off his shoulders.

 

"Sleep tight," said the replicant wickedly.

 

But the punch never came. Instead the replicant's eyes widened, his breath shortened and his strength seemed to instantly leave his body. He dropped Deckard like a sack of potatoes, and Deckard wasted no time in scrambling clear. The replicant fell to his knees with a bone-crunching impact, his eyes vacuous, and fell forward with a whump.

 

Deckard glanced around for his weapon, only to be met face to face with another, much younger Blade Runner, holding a smoking weapon, clearly more advanced than his own.

 

"I'm TwinFin," said the Blade Runner meekly, pointing to the twitching mass that was the replicant  "I see you've just run across a more advanced model than you're accustomed to."

 

"Stronger than before," Deckard rasped, wiping the sweat from his face with both hands, "It's been awhile."

 

"Yes," he said, "This one's name is A-Data. He is the most advanced of his kind. A front-loader and high-volume storage capability. Also fast response. Almost as fast as yours, even with age."

 

"Thanks," Deckard responded flatly, unamused, "A-Data, eh?" he smirked, tapping the replicant's leg with his foot, "Well, now he's just an ex A-Data."

 

"True," smiled TwinFin, "But you'll need more power if you want to stay ahead of them," he held out his weapon, a POC-killer if ever Deckard had seen one. On the weapon's barrel, in old-Gothic script, he read the weapon's name "The Closer."

 

"Nice," Deckard quipped.

 

TwinFin suddenly produced an auto-ject unit with the "enzee" logo emblazoned on it, snatched Deckard's hand, and before Deckard could object, injected the enzee accelerant into Deckard's bloodstream.

 

"What the?" Deckard now snatched his hand back, but suddenly felt the chemical's surge of power, "What's in that stuff?"

 

"Secret sauce," TwinFin smiled, "You'll be five-X or more faster response than they are. Your next replicant will go down for the count before the count even begins."

 

"Tight."

 

"You have no idea," he smiled, "And by the way, I'll be right behind you."

 

"I hear some of them are looking for their makers," Deckard posited.

 

"Wouldn't you?" TwinFin said, "I'd sure wonder why I was made that way. Changed from one purpose to another in the middle of my cycle."

 

"I wonder if anyone has noticed, that the replicants are always trying to be like us?"

 

"It's because we're the only standard they know, by which they are measured."


"I also wonder," mused Deckard, "If these replicants dream of electric customers."

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"Blade?" Hannibal King touched the sleeping warrior gently on the shoulder, "Wake up, dude."

 

Blade raised one eyebrow, then slowly opened his left eye. Unafraid of the day or night, the warrior moved his hand ever so slightly to verify the presence of his sword. King could see the taughtness of Blade's shoulder sinews as he slowly shifted his weight on the pallet.

 

"This has better be good," Blade rasped, "I was in the middle of a dream. Kickin' bloodsucker tail," he wiped his hand over his face as though it would wipe away the sleep from his eyes, or the fatigue in his body, but it did neither.

 

"We have some news," King said with a low voice, "The upgrades have arrived."

 

Blade's other eye slowly opened, "Oh?"

 

"Yeah," King laughed, "You're gonna like it."

 

"I'll be there in five," Blade said, half of him wanting to roll over and sleep, and half of him curious about the upgrades. Blade always had a half-and-half approach to life. The bloodsuckers hated him for it.

 

A number of minutes later, the warrior strolled slowly into the main atrium of his personal lair, only to find it strewn with boxes, styrofoam and bubble wrap, "What's all this mess?" he rasped.

 

King appeared from behind one of the largest boxes, a vertical package over eight feet tall, holding a swatch of bubble wrap, "Don't you just love this stuff?" he quipped, violently popping several dozen bubbles with vigorous manipulation.

 

"Stop that!" Blade commanded, ever-despising King's cheeky nature, "Tell me what all this is."

 

"All this," King pointed to a far wall where the apparatus had been installed, "is just for you. At your service."

 

"Blade servers, eh?" Blade took two short steps toward the machines, "What does it do?"

 

"Only slices, dices and makes Julie-Anne cry!" King cackled.

 

Blade was not amused.

 

"Okay, seriously," King began, "Recall some of our - er clients - had some run-ins with the bloodsuckers? Their problems were really that they were working with too little information. Or that it was inaccurate, or not arriving in time. The BI bloodsuckers swoop in to save the day."

 

"I hate bloodsuckers," Blade seethed.

 

"Oookay, so they fell prey to the wiles of the bloodsuckers, promising a better mousetrap and all that."

 

"They always promise."

 

"Moving right along, they promise but don't deliver. Here's where we come in, and help them get on the right track."

 

"How do these machines do that?"

 

"The Blade servers include a special sauce - "

 

"Special sauce. Is it red?"

 

"Uhh, no. But it's all painted in your favorite color. The better part is that you can use this machinery during the day to find opportunities, and still let it work at night, you know, when you're - uh - out."

 

"Hunting bloodsuckers."

 

"Uhh, yeah, so let's focus here. The new server has a special acclerator that basically lights up the night."

 

"Is it ultra-violet light?"

 

"No, but it's ultra-clear light. The kind of light we need to shine on business priorities, SLAs and how to leverage the machine at the enterprise level. You know, best practices."

 

"I don't need any practice. When the sun goes down - "

 

"Okay, look," King interrupted, "The accelerator sits on the blade and does all the analytic streaming work. The server then allows for cache RAM to sit between the disk drives and the processor, so we can keep stuff in memory longer."

 

"I have a long memory for bloodsuckers."

 

"And some clients," King rolled his eyes, "May need long memory for lookup tables, oft-used dimensions and the like."

 

"Are you starting all that other-dimension talk again? I thought I'd made a deal with Stan that we would never introduce - "

 

"No, not alternative dimensions in spacetime," King smirked, "But multidimensional analysis."

 

"I don't follow."

 

"Data analysis."

 

"To what purpose? What are we looking for?"

 

King thought about the question for a moment, realizing that the answer could capture Blade's attention or lose him forever. He finally said "Bloodsuckers."

 

Blade's eyes flashed, "If this will help us find the bloodsuckers, why do we only have one? Why not more?"

 

"Now, now, we should start small and grow tall - "

 

"Platitudes," Blade huffed, "Time is short. Will it find the bloodsuckers or not?"

 

King knew that when he said bloodsuckers, he'd meant the broken processes and data that drain the lifeblood from a company, "Yes, it can help us find them."

 

"Good," Blade finally said, slowly strolling toward the machines. He stared at them for a long moment and finally said. "You work for me, now."

 

"Uhh, Blade," King said, "They can't hear you, they're machines."

 

Blade didn't say anything.

 

"Oh, and I have this," King produced a small metal plate and held it out to Blade.

 

The warrior turned and stared at the object, curious as to its nature. "And this?"

 

"Is a Final Interrogation Node," King said, "For use when you are about to dispatch a bloodsucker."

 

"How does it work?"

 

"You wrap the wrist-strap here," he applied the strap to his own wrist, holding the plate in his hand, then flicked his wrist. The plate flew to nearest stone column, remaining connected to King's wrist with a tether made of high-tensile filament. The plate sank into the stone with a dull rrrriiiiinggg. . King then flicked his wrist again and the plate dismounted, the tension in the tether returning it immediately to his open palm.

 

"That was fun, but what does it do, really?"

 

"When you're done asking questions that anyone can get answers for, the FIN takes it to the next level. And if you have one in each hand - "

 

"Twin Fins, very funny."

 

"You'll still get the answers you're looking for."

 

"I'll always get the answer I want eventually."

 

"Uhh, well, isn't that what the bloodsuckers say? Anyone can give the right answer slow. But these," he held up the FINs," Get the right answers faster than anything."

 

"Even faster than me?"

 

"Faster than Blade alone," King smiled, "Yep, even faster than a blade and all its servers. You still need the FIN's and special sauce. Bloodsuckers don't have those."

 

"Competitive advantage," Blade said in a low whisper, "I like it."

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